Cute germy kids make me sick and Adele makes me sad

I have only been working for 2 full weeks so far and I’m already sick (the children are so germy but I hate turning down hugs!). Every time I told a coworker  that, he/she would say “well….welcome to ACC!” as a joke… which has been the single most frequent response elicited by “I’m already sick”. Either they all have the same type of humor there or they collectively decided that this is a good joke to tell newcomers haha. I love the job so far, I’ve been to 2 staff meetings and a parent-teacher social where I got to meet all the parents, and ACC definitely exceeded my already high expectations, they’re professional and their philosophy on child learning and development jives really well with mine. My fears and worries were kind of confirmed, but I don’t think it matters as much, for instance, yes, a lot of kids ask me questions that I don’t know the answers to, and yes they look to me as an example of what to do. There are also some kids who play me like a violin just to test my authority, but at that point, one of the head teachers will step in and (rescue me) take the reigns.

I have almost completely forgotten that I was waiting to hear back from grad schools. I hope that I get in… too many people know about it for it to be an insignificant ordeal. If I don’t get in, too many people will tell me they’re sorry and that God has something else planned for me :( That and I have to retake GREs, take some courses, rewrite a statement of purpose, and reapply.

I leave with this video that I watched of Adele giving a live performance of Someone Like You in her own home:

I don’t know why this song makes me so sad… Maybe it’s because I’ve assumed that people will always move on, but I’ve never thought about what happens when they don’t. Anyway, I constantly forget that Adele is younger than I am (only 21!… which is the name of her new album haha), just look at how she carries herself. I noticed in the video that she smokes, which I hope she stops doing… if I had a killer voice like hears, I’d want to keep it around for as long as I could.

Good news, everyone! (read in Professor Farnsworth’s voice)

Good news! I got a job offer! I will be a toddler teacher for the Arlington Children’s Center :) I start tomorrow and I’m excited but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’m nervous about having little kids look to me as an example and ask me for answers that I probably won’t have. I know no one will expect me to know things on my first day, but what if I’m just as clueless when I’m 3 months in or something? The lead teachers have been working here for 7 plus years and here I am with my background in research psychology acting like I’m confident in teaching kids. I have had a lot of experience with kids, but have never been paid for it so it was always just for the fun of it. However, because I am being paid by a professional institution I feel this pressure to always appear like I know what I’m doing, to get along with the teachers, to get along with the parents, etc…

Nervousness aside though, I am pretty stoked to see the kids again. There is a huge cuteness epidemic in that classroom (ages 2-3), and those kids know how adorable they are and use it to their advantage. Most of them know my name already and drag me around like I’m their new toy, I think once I start saying “no” to things and once they realize that I am there to stay, they won’t like me as much haha.

In other news… volleyball is starting again tomorrow (my team hasn’t played in a month because of cancellations, school functions, etc…), I bet we’re going to be really bad because we’ve been out of practice for so long. I’m actually really proud of us, we’ve been down one player/girl all season (it’s just me and 4 guys)– which is a 3 point penalty, and we’ve still managed to come out on top. My body is still a mystery to me, I’ve gotten worse at digging because my knee joints hurt and creak from time to time (what am I, an 80 year old?), but my hitting has improved… probably because I use a lot more strategy and less power now and also because I’ve just been doing it more often. My teammates also make me wonder. Like for example, [player 1] started off okay, and now (5 months later) he’s really reliable… probably the most reliable hitter on the team. And [player 2] will spike a ball hard 9 times out of 10… but once in a blue moon, he’ll just flub it like he thought of something really depressing during his approach and then gave up on life when he went for the hit, and it’s the greatest mystery ever. Anyway… I really really like my team even if I miss having a girl around.

Also in my last post, I forgot to mention that my favorite character on Glee is actually Brittany. [Realize, no segue. I don’t even try anymore] She says the most ridiculous things and I really appreciate the random bouts of humor she provides for the show. Let me be clear about one thing… I will definitely keep watching the show, no matter how much I dislike it, just to see what songs they cover and to satisfy my curiosity about what becomes of these really messed up relationships. I normally wouldn’t put myself through that kind of torture (actually yes I would, proof: I watched Boys Over Flowers), but it has become a guilty pleasure of mine, a super shameful guilty pleasure.

And I will conclude this post with a video. I really like it, nothing really happens, there are no surprises, but it’s sure nice to look at. I am thinking that if I bought an apartment/home, I would decorate my coffee table like this:

…And the bear awakes!

It’s 3:oo AM and there is no reason for me to be up, but I just can’t seem to fall asleep. I read this blog, and my old xanga posts, and was inspired to write again (yeah, at the most convenient time). I realized how “talkative” I was in my xanga posts and I think that’s because I just had more running through my head because I processed it more often… because I was thinking more… because I processed it more often…like a cycle.

I have Aphasia rounds tomorrow morning, and I promised myself that this is the day that I would go to Aphasia rounds. Aphasia rounds are an open conference for Speech-Language Pathology students, Speech-Language Pathologists, and really anyone who is interested, to gather to observe and discuss a case. Students are actually required to attend rounds, and I figured what better way to learn more about what it’s like to be in the SLP program than doing what’s required of students? I got in touch with the director and she gave me the “okay” to come. But now I am feeling lazy… and it’s 3. And the meeting is at 9 (on the BU Med campus btw).

I seem like I am being suuuper lazy, but do not be deceived! I swear I’ve achieved much since my last post! I’ve taken the GRE’s and applied to grad schools and jobs. I have had my first round interviews for a job and I’m going in for my 2nd round interviews this Friday. I am pretty nervous and excited: nervous because they require me to do the job for an entire work day, which I think is a great idea, but will be a long and tough interview… and excited because the job is playing with children! I will chose to reveal/gush about the job if I get it… because if I don’t get it, I’ll only be reading back on this post in misery haha.

On a totally trivial note: I was watching the latest episode of Glee today, and I’m becoming more and more sick of that show. I started off disliking the show, but liking the tunes. Then I gradually started to like the show because when you watch something all the time to listen to the tunes… you sort of get addicted. And now they’re going downhill with their Top 40’s hits songs and Bieber Fever episodes and unstable relationships. I find it hard to like any of the characters on that show now… except for Mike Chang because he NEVER talks and is fortunately never given enough screen time to spew/do something stupid.

I watch things off of Hulu so often that sometimes I forget that I have the power to watch awesome shows at home because my family has cable. For instance, I’ve been wanting to start watching “Portlandia”, which is a new show on IFC making fun of all the different kinds of hipsters who reside in Portland, Oregon. I’ve seen clips on Hulu such as this one:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/210886/portlandia-this-bar-is-over

And I find this kind of off-humor (esp. the feminist bookstore clips) very funny. I just hope it doesn’t get too weird too quickly. I find that unique shows like this tend to run on for too long (like U.S. The Office) or get too quirky (like any British sitcom that I like and others typically dislike).

I think I can go to bed now that I’ve put a lot of what I’ve been wrestling with to rest… which is apparently Aphasia rounds and GLEE. *facepalm*

Distractions from studying for the GREs

1. Listening to this song… in this live version are my two of my favorites: Ingrid and Jason singing my current favorite, ‘You and I’

2. Rehearsing for the Highrock Christmas Concert… REALLY excited for that. I actually invited non-Christian friends this year.

http://www.bssc.com/bssc/tempFile/Tuesday_Brighton31.pdf

3. Registering Nom Nom Noms for another season. We’re tied for 2nd in our league in the fall season (aiming for 1st) so far!

This jpg is quite spot on, I often do this after my interviews

4. Trying to find people to write me recommendations for grad school applications (I Googled “rejection” figuring I’d find a bunch of hilarious images… I was right).

5. Sigh. And updating my blog :P which I forgot to do for so long until Peaches asked me what my blog was again. So this is dedicated to you, Peach!

thoughts updated. w/ videos, links, pictures.

This post is dedicated to my two friends who have recently started blogs of their own. Happy blogging= diarrhea of the mind, I would tell them.

Here are a couple of things I have been thinking as recent events have transpired:

Career/Joerb

As many people know, my time at Children’s Hospital is coming to an end mid-September. I have been searching for jobs that don’t require sitting at a desk all day like I have been doing this entire year. My only hope is that this new potential job (… or unemployment, hah…. =/) brings me some sort of fulfillment and that I am always on the move. I joke about being unemployed but I really hate the idea of it. I’m a busy body and that means when I am not doing something, a part of me dies every inactive minute that passes. That doesn’t mean I’m not lazy, because I am one lazy broad. But I like to be lazy because I choose to be, not because life smacks me in the face and tells me to be. Plus, even when I am lazy on my own accord, a huge chunk of me dies… and then turns into fat, true story. The kicker is I think this past year has really stunted my academic, social, and professional capabilities since: I never talk to people 80% of my week, I haven’t learned anything new, and besides my commute reading/crosswording, I haven’t so much as cracked open a book from which I could learn things. As much as I want to go into how I want God to play a role in finding a job that serves Him…it’s a pretty far stretch seeing as how I only have a month to find a new job, which I would only be staying at for a year (or two… if I love it). We’ll see what happens.

Nostalgia

It has to be around 4 AM around here for the air to smell as clean and refreshing as it does at night at MoHo. A couple nights ago I overslept at Mike’s house and woke up at 3 AM from a ‘nap’. As I was walking out, I lingered in the foyer, even if I only had 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep left before getting up for work in the morning, because it smelled like my dorm did at this time when I pulled all nighters. I can’t pull all nighters, let alone < 5 hours of sleep anymore. Note: this needs to be added to my ‘Murtaugh List’. On the car ride home I kept the windows open and it smelled of exams and presentations and class and student orgs. I had to close my window after awhile.

Relationship

Only looking back on when I was single, did I realize how liberating and boundless singlehood was. You can do just whatever the heck you want. You don’t have to have a care in the world the insignificant consequences of your actions on one particular person, or how you’re going to spend the rest of your day, and you will probably never be as bummed to leave someone when you know you’re going to see them the next day (it would actually be kind of weird if you were). According to the Friesens, Mike and I are still in the honeymoon stage, which they say lasts for an average of ~18 months. But we’ve had a couple rough patches especially at the beginning of the relationship and I am really appreciative of the strides we’ve made to stabilize this relationship. As difficult as it is sometimes to constantly be working on communication skills (eg. When girls make a comment like “the trash smells”, it means “please take out the trash”. Unfortunately for a lot of guys they would appreciate it if you said that directly. Mike is pretty good at picking things up but that doesn’t mean we don’t need work), thinking about the future… together, etc… But as difficult as it has been, I love being in a relationship. You get to spend time with your best (male)friend and no one will be like “hey that’s weird“, get to talk about planning the rest of our lives together as best friends (which is more probable than planning to spend the rest of your life together with one of your friends), get to have your faith be challenged, and there is always someone there who makes you want to improve yourself.

Sometimes I come over and see notes like this. I'm a lucky lady.

Faith

Along with this really tough year, the loss of accountability (small groups take a break in the summer), and loss of a motivation to pray because I failed to see results of prayers for others, faith has taken quite a toll. Not much to say other than that I am at a pretty low season of growth. I saw this video tonight of an autistic girl who is capable of forming complete comprehensible sentences, and it made me think of my brother, and it got me thinking maybe some prayers are answered and we don’t know until we see something like this happen, and we have renewed hope again.

Taking things for granted

I watched this clip of Louis CK on Conan O’Brian, because he’s a pretty hilarious guy (you should watch it too), and I felt pretty bad because earlier that day I was complaining that my smartphone (yeah… for those of you who don’t know, I lost the phone Joonpi got me and I bought a smartphone), which was a huge upgrade from my Samsung SGH T219, lags a bit when I scroll through the windows on the homepage.

I have my calendar, the weather, Gchat, Gmail, Google Voice, Google Maps, Ebooks, and the radio on the home screen alone. Dare I say bigger than the wheel?

Hope that encouraged thought or was eye opening… and if nothing else, at least a little entertaining.

warning: a negative nancy post

Weddings are so beautiful. It’s a bright, happy, cheerful, joyous, warm and magical goodness wrapped up in a 4 hour party. And when it’s over, you relax/spend money on doing things you will probably never spend money on doing again, and then start a new life once you get back. It must be awesssome.

I recently went to a wedding, and it was a beautiful and frugal DIY heaven. Like a living 100 layer cake blog. Song choices were excellent and hearing “Falling Slowly” while watching the bride walking down the aisle made me want to weep like a child. Then hearing the couple’s  written vows really did make me weep like a child (inner dialogue went something like “WOW THAT IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ABOUT, I SEE THE LIGHT, THIS IS AMAZING.”). The first dances were cute, funny, not awkward at all. The food was casual and delicious. The venue was creative and classy and the company was very happy.

Mid-wedding, I started to realize how much of this I wouldn’t be able to have. My mother has been inviting her clients to my future wedding since I was like 10 years old, so whose wedding would it really be?  Other questions began to nip at my conscience like who would walk me down the aisle? Who’s going to sit/watch my brother? How would I pay for a wedding when I’m still paying back student loans? And the most bothersome thought that came to my mind was the question of whether everyone will be happy for me & future husband.

The look of joy and excitement from friends and family who attended our friends’ wedding was really beautiful. I wanted it. But I already know a handful of people who either could care less, or disapprove. I just don’t really know why. I feel myself torn between wanting to share an important day with people I love who have made my life a fun and wonderful journey, but not wanting to waste the time, energy, and money if those people don’t feel there is cause to celebrate. The thought of a wedding becomes less and less appealing, and the thought of taking a silent vow in front of the only presence who will sincerely rejoice and truly matter (GOD… not… mom) seems like a better idea.

A marriage, a wedding, a union, it’s all really far off. But with the wedding season upon us, it’s hard to not get a sour taste in my mouth when I think about it.

Aforementioned wedding blog:

http://100layercake.com/blog/

Really cool website if you’re into DIY things. Especially good for friends of brides (they have shower craft ideas and stuff)

P.S. After being a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding this weekend, it just confirmed that as happy I am for the bride and groom, I am just as sad for what I won’t have; like the father-in-law giving a speech about how the bride is God’s gift to his son and his family, and the mother-in-law embracing those who brought the couple together, and the relatives who worked hard to put together a sentimental gift for the bride and groom.

bad news/good news

Bad news: My friend’s wedding is coming up in a week and my bridesmaid dress (which I tried on in the winter and found was WAY too big for me) is kind of tight now. And binge diets never make me happy. The last time I had to go on a binge diet was for prom my senior year, and I was already in shape from doing a number of sports so it wasn’t that hard. But if I die from running for 15 minutes, stress eat, bored(om?) eat, and have a boyfriend who feeds me things my mouth can’t refuse (which is pretty much everything)… I’ve got a huge, steep mountain ahead of me.

Good news: Uh.. I.. don’t.. have.. to.. get my dress tailored?… yaaay.

And so starts the downward spiral into self deprecation.

medical update

So for those of you who don’t know: I had a series stomach and nausea problems for about a month. I went to see my doctor a couple of times before getting a blood test for H. Pylori  (which is a bacteria that lives in your stomach and gives you stomach ulcers as well as increase your risk of stomach cancer), and I came back positive. As it turns out, she suspected that I got it when I traveled to India a couple years ago in college, and it has just been dormant in my stomach until now. I’ve been on the treatment (which is a series of very strong antibiotics of which I have to take 8 a day) for almost 2 weeks now, only 3 more days to go! The thing about the medication is that it has side effects which are actually worse than the symptoms of the H. Pylori infection.

Some prime examples? Stomach aches, nausea, severe headaches, dizziness, depression, all things number-two related are abnormal, back pain, weird-bitter-tylenol taste in mouth,  TOM which lasted for 3 weeks (but then I thought about the woman in the Bible who bled for 12 years and I felt like a wimp), and constant tiredness. And meanness… meanness and sadness.

So far I haven’t experienced any of the more severe symptoms like tremors, seizures, vomiting, and mouth blisters so I’m pretty relieved.

I think this past month, Mike has really seen what I’m like at my worst. I yell at him and say “ugh” and roll my eyes (even in front of friends, oops!) like it’s my job, and yet he doesn’t get mad and cooks for me and takes care of me. I think that is the only good that has come from this haha; that even if I’m ugly on the outside (man, I’ve really let myself go… for the billionth time) and inside, that he still cares for me.

And that is my medical update. Reasons for not posting for awhile:

1. This happening.

2. Being too tired. And grumpy.

3. I kept forgetting.

All of the worse excuses ever. I should be better about writing down my thoughts because there’s a lot of them!

I wanted talk about how I am really starting to dislike weddings/the idea of having a wedding. But… I’m tired. That’ll have to wait.

P.S. (and thanks Mandy for reminding me haha) I went running for the first time in a long time today… and it was horrible. 5 minutes into the run, I thought I was going to throw up, and I passed 2 dead animals (have you ever seen an albino squirrel before? Well I haven’t seen one until today… I guess seeing a dead one was just as cool… but also gross and sad.), and did you know that flies like to spend time on the ground in the mornings and then fly up to kick you in the face when you run over them? I didn’t know that either until today. I learned a lot of things about running: not only do I dislike it, I loathe it. Also I got shin splints. So I probably shouldn’t run until it gets better. Pilates, anyone? Anyone wanna join me?

how depressing

Everyday, I remind myself of my accumulated failures.

Maybe because if I don’t, I won’t strive for anything.

rain ruins diet; new book

I’ve been getting worse and worse at updating my blog. Thoughts come and go just like the title of my blog suggests, that I don’t get a decent moment to reflect on them and write about it.

Today was the day I was supposed to start running. But today was also rainy, so I ended up staying in. I cleaned my room, and while doing so, stumbled upon a binder with “Memory Book” written on the cover. It was a memory book of my elementary school and middle school years. I think it was for a class project… my spelling was horrible. It was an entertaining read, but in fear of a spider or some other insect crawling out of its 8 year binder-home, I didn’t get to spend much time in nostalgia.

I recently finished Shutter Island, which, by the bye, has the most depressing ending of all the books I’ve ever read fiction/nonfiction. And I’ve read some pretty depressing nonfiction, which one would assume would faze me more. Anyway, now I’m onto Disappointment with God by Yancey. I am not hoping for much, just to understand what I’m experiencing now, I guess.

I’ve just started reading it, and already I don’t think the characters introduced in the book thus far have reason to trust our God, just based purely on their experience with Him and with prayer. This will definitely make for an interesting and thoughtful read.

Also kayaking plans are being made for this weekend, which I am super excited about. There’s always something beautiful and terrifying about sitting atop dark (and dirty in this case, since we are talking about the Charles) waters.